The Dauntless Choice
by FoursGirl21850
Summary: Just a fun little story about Tris and Four had they been friends before Four's defect to Dauntless. How would it change the Divergent trilogy if they were aware of the possibility of their divergence before their aptitude tests? Tris x Four - Rated T to be safe.
1. Introduction - Letting Go

_**A/N: This is a story about Tris and Four and the choices they make if things had been different and they had been friends before Four's defect to Dauntless. I can't promise regular updates but I will try my best to make it at least somewhat regular. I also can't guarantee it will be completely canon – I've kind of been letting my imagination run wild and this is what it has come up with. With all that said – enjoy and please feel free to leave a review if you like where this is going so I know that I should continue. As always, credit for the original characters and theme of the Divergent Series goes to Veronica Roth. **_

**BEATRICE'S POINT OF VIEW**

I know that it isn't proper for me to behave in this way. It is selfish and some would say immature of me to allow my feelings for him to dictate how I act, the things that I do and the way that I quietly rebel against everything they have tried to instill in me.

But I can't help but to want it even more, the longer that I think about things. And I know, I know my parents would not approve of my decisions. I know that they would be humiliated if it ever came out that this was happening. After all, I was only fourteen years old. I was still a child and I was very much still a member of the Abnegation faction.

I glance at the small analogue clock that I keep beside my bed. My room appears the same as any other bedroom within our faction. Simple. Plain grey sheets made up neatly on my bed and a lack of personal objects and decorations – things that the abnegation see as frivolous and unnecessary, things that detract from the world and cause you to focus on your own surroundings – your own selfishness.

I wish for a second that time would speed up. It's only eleven-thirty and we agreed not to meet until midnight – our usual time. But then I remember why we are so eager to meet tonight, why neither of us ever looked at it as an option and I want time to stop, to stand completely still so that we can stay this way forever. But I know that can't happen. And I know that I have to let the next events happen as we talked about, I know that I can't force him to stay here with me any longer… but I also hope that I will be strong enough to make the same decision that he is making now, in just two years' time. Two years could change everything. But I know it will change nothing.

"T?" I whisper yell as I approach our meeting spot. It's only a few minutes from my house and I know that I'm a little bit early. I'm hoping not to have to wait for him for long. It's exceptionally dark tonight, the clouds that threaten to storm later on are moving swiftly across the sky, reaching across to cover every star and cloaking any light they might try to emit.

"Over here B!" He calls back quietly, sticking his head out of the sink-hole in the road just past the edge of the abnegation community. It's a place that as far as I know, nobody is aware of and we both prefer it this way. It's a place where we can forget factions, forget that all around us is a world that we have no control over, a life that neither one of us is overly excited to begin. Coming closer to him I sigh as I see that he has brought his blanket and a small loaf of bread, complete with a small canteen of what I can only assume is water – there aren't many options in abnegation and even this small act of defiance is risky.

"How was it?" I gush out as I quickly move towards him now that I know he's already here, jumping down I land softly on the fallen asphalt, the piece of road that was so unused it sunk into the ground and gave us the perfect hideaway. It's only here that we both feel safe from prying eyes, ears and judgements.

"It was…" I wait patiently for him to finish. After he had completed his aptitude test this afternoon I hadn't had the chance to see him until now. We were of course still in classes when the older students had finished with their tests and each returned to their houses. As much as I was curious about his result; I also knew that until we met tonight in secret I wouldn't find out. Not only are we not supposed to share our results with others, but we are not even supposed to be together this way. In our faction relationships don't develop in the way that ours has, through hours of time alone after the rest of the world is asleep. They don't develop through sharing thoughts and speculations, through hand holding or through snuggles. No. If anything, abnegation is as 'stiff' as the other factions see us. We are taught that there should be no public displays of affection at all, and that relationships are introduced in group settings, in my opinion most couples barely know each other before they are wed and offspring are magically produced.

"I can't even explain it B." he sighs loudly and it brings me back to the present moment and I sit down next to him, seeing in the candlelight the ghost of a bruise across his lower neck – one that I know wasn't there on the previous night.

"Was it bad tonight?" I change the subject and see him cringe back from my fingers which have now pulled down the collar of his shirt, exposing the welts across his shoulder that disappear down his back.

"The test… you have to be careful when you take it B." He switches back to my original question and I frown as I lean over and place a chaste kiss on his shoulder, right on top of one of the reddened welts.

"Why?" I ask before shifting, moving to sit against his side as his arm wraps around me softly.

"Remember what Marcus told me the other day? About being different… about being a _divergent_?" The name of his father slips off his tongue in a sour tone, his voice telling me that he doesn't really want to talk about this. Silently I nod my head, remembering the day that T had told me that his father had warned him about the test – had called him _divergent._

"He was right." Jumping up slightly I turn to face him, surprised to hear him utter the phrase. "He was right B. My test results were inconclusive – it was a dauntless woman who performed my test and she told me that my results came back that way. When I asked her what it meant… she told me that my results were both dauntless and abnegation. They came back as divergent." I could hear the slight panic in his voice as he told me and at the same time my mind began to run a mile a minute.

"But what does it mean? Why is it so bad to be a divergent?" I don't understand why there are secret warnings and whispered words of the divergent. To me it seems ridiculous and I watch as T shakes his head at me. "I don't know. But I know it has to be bad if both the tester and Marcus told me that I'm not supposed to tell anyone. She manually entered my result as abnegation but she seemed terrified for me." He breathed out and I nodded, still not understanding but trying to.

"Are you still going through with the plan tomorrow?" I ask him timidly, hoping that his abnormal test result has both changed his decision and that they haven't. I'm still torn but know that I have to let him go no matter how I feel about it.

"I… I can't stay…"

"I know. It's okay T. We'll be okay." At that I move closer to him again, needing to hold him, the only person who has ever made me feel alive, feel like I belong somewhere.

"Beatrice…" He whispers once and then leans down, his lips on mine as my arms curl around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer to me. Never wanting to let him go but knowing that I will soon have to.


	2. Chapter 1 - Initiation

"_**I… I can't stay…" **_

"_**I know. It's okay T. We'll be okay." At that I move closer to him again, needing to hold him, the only person who has ever made me feel alive, feel like I belong somewhere. **_

"_**Beatrice…" He whispers once and then leans down, his lips on mine as my arms curl around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer to me. Never wanting to let him go but knowing that I will soon have to. **_

**FOUR'S POINT OF VIEW**

"Pit. 10 Minutes." I struggle to sit up through the pounding in my skull. It's nothing that I can't handle – Marcus left far worse damage on my body with his belt or his boots, with his locked closets and secret stash of torture weapons. But here it's a different sort of fight. Everyone is struggling to make their way to the top. Everyone wants to finish first and get their top choice of jobs. Some are willing to do anything and everything to get there… and some like me are struggling to embrace this new life of violence, of fear.

"What's going on?" My voice is hoarse but it doesn't matter. Nobody answers from the quiet dormitory where everyone is moving at a sluggish pace, getting dressed without enthusiasm. I know everybody is sore. Training for dauntless is painful. The way that they pit us against each other and force us to fight until one of us either concedes or can't go on is inhumane and dangerous. The worst is the dauntless-born initiates. Those of us who have never known another way of life and don't seem to be afraid of anything in the pit and who step into the ring to fight like it's the most ordinary thing.

"First of all I want to congratulate those of you who have made it this far into initiation. Week one is where the weakest are weeded out. There are always those who can't stomach the kind of life that we live to protect the rest of the city." As Amar speaks I look around, my eyes still cloudy with sleep as I notice the smaller number in the room, counting at least 3 transfer initiates gone as I do so. "If you all would look at the leaderboard for a moment" I glance up at the giant board that is held up at the front of the crowd and I am only slightly surprised to see my new name at the very top. Once I arrived at dauntless it appeared that I was more natural at fighting and physical training than I would have originally thought. As much as it should assure me that I made the right decision, it also makes me feel uneasy – especially knowing that there are certain initiates who want my place at the top of the board and who aren't afraid to tell me so.

"Now, we are about to have a little fun. Lauren and I have divided you all into two teams." I glance at the board again and notice the small numbers 1 or 2 next to each of our names. "This is a little tradition here at dauntless that we like to play – Four you are captain of team number one – here's your flag." I'm shocked when I see the glowing flag as he tosses it at me and nearly drop it, managing to catch it before I make a bigger fool of myself than I already am. "It's a game – called capture the flag – each team gets a flag and they have to protect it while searching out the other team's flag." Zeke – one of the dauntless born initiates whispers to me while Lauren calls out Eric and tosses the second flag towards him.

Before I know it we're back on the train – something that almost seems like a calling card of the dauntless to me – and we're heading into the city in the dead of night. As we pass through abnegation I can't help the slight prick in my chest, wondering how Beatrice is doing, cursing myself for not being able to get back to ensure her that I was doing alright. As we approach the outer edge of abnegation I squint my eyes just slightly and for a split second I see it; A flicker of light right where the sink-hole would be. Checking my watch I confirm that it's the right time: 12:08 and my heart aches as I see a tiny swirl of smoke rise up. She's still waiting for me, I think to myself and then I promise her silently that I will come back for her. I won't forget her.

Winning the game of capture the flag doesn't seem like much to me, but to the rest of my team it must be more than just another dauntless training tool – more like a prideful tradition. Throughout the entire train ride back to dauntless headquarters all I can hear are the excited whoops and cheers from the rest of my team, the other team sulking miserably in the cars ahead of us. To me however… the only thing I can seem to think about is Beatrice and how I can get to her now that we are no longer in the same faction, what feels like worlds apart. As we approach dauntless I see the sky just beginning to brighten up in the East and I can't wait to climb into bed and sleep for a few hours before training begins again.

Heading back to the dorms I know that I trail behind the others – but frankly I don't really care. I've never been one to associate in crowds or fight for attention and while I realize that I have to put myself out more now, there are times where I simply feel better walking alone and being left with my own thoughts.

"Gah!" I'm passing through the heart of the pit when I hear her soft voice crying out in frustration and as I walk by one of the smaller training rooms I can't help but stop and stare as I see one of the dauntless-born initiates throwing knives in frustration at the targets on the wall. Her arms are moving too quickly to actually be practicing, her movements those of someone who is trying to get out some pent up anger.

"Shauna right?" I can't help it as I walk into the room and she pauses her frantic throwing to wipe the sweat from her eye brow, pushing her hair off her forehead at the same time.

"Yeah, I'm Shauna…" She says slowly and then after a moment she turns and, taking her time throws the knife at the wall. It doesn't even come close to the target and she lets out another frustrated growl.

"Turn your body a little more," I say quietly and she turns her head to look at me for a minute before shifting just slightly. "A little more." I say again and she does. This time when she reaches to throw the knife I stop her with a tentative hand on her arm, looking at her for permission before I move her arm with the correct motion to throw. Trying again with the adjusted positioning, this time she hits the outer ring of the target, her face lighting up in a huge smile as she does so. Several knives later and she has finally got the hang of it, her aim getting better with every shot.

"I don't know how I'm going to make it through initiation." Shauna confesses as we both head to the target to grab the collection of knives from both the floor and the board. "I'm only three spots from the bottom and knife-throwing isn't the only thing I stink at – you'd think that with being dauntless-born I'd be a better fighter." She nearly whispers the words and I try to think of something to say, some way to make her feel better. But the truth is that here in dauntless, if you can't fight – you won't survive.

"How'd a _stiff_ get so good at all of this anyways?" She tries to lighten the mood with her playful use of the word stiff and I smile a small tight smile. But my aggression and the cause of it is not something that I want to reveal to anybody. "I don't know… guess it just comes naturally." I try to shrug it off like it's nothing but I've never been a good liar. "I also practice most nights after everyone else is already in bed. You're welcome to join me if you want…" I say nervously. Aside from Zeke, this is the first time I've really attempted to befriend anyone at dauntless and I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing. Even in abnegation I had mostly kept to myself – finding that nobody really wanted to be friends with the kid who has all of the secrets.

When Shauna says that she would appreciate it I smile at her politely, seeing the relief in her face and hoping that I can help her… she reminds me a little of Beatrice and I know that if Beatrice was in her shoes that I would hope someone would be willing to help her out.

For the next three days we barely sleep. Between regular training and the late night a practice, combined with the extra war-games they randomly throw at us I can feel myself becoming exhausted. But when it finally happens that they announce a free evening for us I feel my excitement growing as I get ready to sneak away as soon as the coast is clear.

"Where are you going Four?" I don't know why I was surprised to see her sneaking up behind me in the shadows, she seemed to be following me a lot lately. "I just need some fresh air." I reply to her rather abruptly and I can feel her surprise behind me. I don't usually act like this much of an ass. But it's been too long since I've seen her and I don't need another initiate finding out what I'm doing and messing up my plans.

"Mind if I tag along?" Taking a deep breath I try to react like a jerk and swallow audibly. "Not this time… there's some… thing… I need to take care of." Turning around I try to convey the urgency, pleading with her to understand and to let me go. It takes a minute of her watching my face before I see her bite down on her bottom lip and nod silently.

"Just don't go getting yourself kicked out of dauntless." She whispers before turning around and practically running back towards the noisy place that has become my home.

I never thought that jumping off of a moving train would feel normal, but as I land on my feet and continue running towards the abnegation sector it suddenly does feel normal and I shake my head at the thought as I move past the familiar houses, the meeting hall, the streets I walked regularly up until nearly two weeks prior.

As I approach our spot I check my watch and breathe a sigh of relief to find that I am right on schedule and I squint to look ahead, spotting the slight flicker of a candle, mostly blocked by the road before it disappears suddenly.

"B. It's me." I whisper yell as I keep running, not wanting to startle her, but not willing to slow down until I'm close to her, holding her in my arms again.

"T?" she hisses and I smile in relief. It's been so long since I've smiled genuinely that it feels funny at first.

"T!" she exclaims then and I see her, not from down in the sink-hole where I expected, but running at me from the side. Picking up speed I race to where I can see her shadow coming towards me and pull her into my arms, holding her as tight as I dare to.

We don't say anything for the next few minutes. Both of us simply holding on to the other, as though reconnecting two halves of a soul and I feel the dampness begin to soak through my shirt before I realize that she's crying silently while she clings to me.

"Ssh! It's alright B… I'm here." I try to comfort her, but I've never been good at dealing with emotion and I worry that I'm not doing a very good job.

"Hey!" I pull back to look at her tear-stained face. It's not like Beatrice to cry in front of anyone – even me. "Come on," I pull her towards our spot and I feel the familiar ache when I see the blanket laid out like usual and the candle sitting on the edge. Sitting us both down I pull her into my side and feel my own eyes beginning to well up with tears.

"What's wrong B?" I plead with her to talk to me and try to be patient while she sniffles and forms her thoughts. It isn't easy as I realize I've grown used to those at dauntless who don't tend to think before they speak and resemble candor in a way with their brashness.

"I just… I just miss you and I wasn't sure… I thought that you'd maybe… moved on from everything abnegation." She spoke the words so quietly that I nearly missed them before sitting in stunned silence at her thoughts. She thinks that I would forget her, would move on so easily from her?

"I promise B. I know it isn't going to be easy for the next little while, but I promise I will never leave you behind. I will always come back for you." I swear it to her with a firm conviction in my voice, the only thing that I've ever been sure about is her. She's the girl that I became friends with when she saw through the mask I wore every day. She's the only one who has ever known the real me, the one who thinks so much like me, wanting to be so much more than one single quality. She is brave and caring and wise beyond her years. She sees things around her that everyone else seems blinded to. So often during our time together I had forgotten our nearly two year age gap, forgotten that she was merely fourteen while I am sixteen and about to begin my adult life. Two years in our city is a lifetime and places a chasm between our worlds.

"It's only been two weeks. How can I possibly do this without you for two full years?" Once she's calmed down she expresses her concern to me and I say nothing as I once again pull her close to me, placing a kiss on her forehead to let her know that I feel the same way.

We don't talk anymore about the differences, only telling each other small things about what's currently happening. I try to make dauntless less, well daunting – knowing that she is planning to follow me here at her own choosing ceremony. And she tells me about the usual abnegation news, about her summer community service hours, about the erudite boy – Peter – who continually harasses her every time he sees her in the city.

"I've got to get back before they notice I'm missing – I'm not supposed to leave the compound by myself until I'm a full member." I say as I stand up and stretch, Beatrice doing the same beside me.

"There's one more thing before you go back – I thought you deserved to see this." It takes her a minute to find what she's looking for, reaching under the blanket and pulling out a page from the familiar newspaper. Taking it from her I crouch down by the candle to read it, feeling nauseous the second the headline invades my line of sight.

_**Marcus Eaton's Son Tobias Alleges Abuse as a Reason for his Defect from Abnegation**_

Stunned I sit in silence until my legs begin to ache from the crouch and I feel her hand resting on my shoulder, her face etched with concern as she watches me.

"How did anybody find out about this?" I glare at Beatrice without meaning to and see her face contort at the statement. She thinks I'm accusing her of revealing this.

"I… I swear… it wasn't… I would never…"

"I'm sorry B. I know that you wouldn't… I just… only you and him know about it… and my instructors at dauntless." I realize and then feel the pit begin to build in my stomach. It had to be one of them. There was nobody else who would do this, who would let out the truth of what happened.

"Nobody in abnegation believes it. Everyone is backing him up and blaming Erudite for this article." She whispered and I nodded silently. Marcus was very good at convincing people of his innocence, of his greatness. I was the only one who ever saw the other side of his personality.

"Look B, I've got to get back… but I swear, I'll come back soon – I'll try and get a message to you when I can so you don't have to keep waiting out here by yourself." I tried to come up with a way but was blank for the time being. But I knew I would figure something out. I had to.

"I promise Beatrice. I won't forget you and I won't ever leave you behind."

**A/N: I just want to state once more before anybody starts getting picky that I didn't stick completely to canon on this story. If this bothers you, feel free to stop reading right now – there will be more incidences where this happens. For everyone else, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please feel free to please leave me a review to let me know what you think and whether or not I should continue this fic.**


	3. Chapter 2 - Selfish Self Care

"_**Look B, I've got to get back… but I swear, I'll come back soon – I'll try and get a message to you when I can so you don't have to keep waiting out here by yourself." I tried to come up with a way but was blank for the time being. But I knew I would figure something out. I had to. **_

"_**I promise Beatrice. I won't forget you and I won't ever leave you behind."**_

**Beatrice's Point of View**

Once. I had seen Tobias only one time since his choosing ceremony. Going into our agreement I knew it would be like this… we both did. And yet I hoped, even now, three months into our two-year plan that it would be different. That late at night when I nearly fell asleep on the cold asphalt, waiting in our hideout for him to appear, that suddenly he would be there. He would wrap his arms around my tiny frame and hold me tightly to him, reminding me of who I am – of who he is and who we both need to be.

"Be brave B." I try not to cry as I wrap my arms around my torso and try to live his words, his faith in me that I am strong enough to do this on my own - to keep my thoughts and emotions in check while I live the only life I can until we are able to be together again – it is the only thing keeping me going. I repeat his words to me constantly.

It's getting late now… or rather early. I've been in our spot for hours and I know that if I don't leave very soon, the sun will be coming up and my parents will worry, will demand answers as to where I've been. Abnegation does not keep secrets – especially from their family. My knees are locked from lying so stiffly through the night, the chill on my skin from the colder air has left it almost numb in spots and as I stand up awkwardly I glance around to make sure nobody has wandered out this far. Of course they haven't. Nobody ever comes this far out of their way. Glancing up quickly I see that it's even later than I thought, the first rays of light are already up and bouncing off of the buildings in the distance. Silently scolding myself, I reach down to grab the blanket, folding it and moving to shove it into the crevice where I now keep it. But I don't put the blanket away, noticing as I shift the brief reflection of white crumpled up deep inside the asphalt.

Reaching down I squeeze my arm through the cracks and breaks in the old road until my fingers are pressed into the farthest corner and I grab the small piece of white, bringing it out and squinting to see what is written on the paper. **B. **It's still too dark to see anything else but my heart leaps up into my throat as I go back to putting things away, the blanket no longer folded neatly, simply thrown haphazardly into the crevice, my candle snuffed out and dumped into a second, smaller hole. I shove the letter in my pocket, glancing up once more and know that I have to run or I won't be back before my mother and father know that I've been gone, and before Caleb – my brother – comes to wake me up and discovers that I'm missing.

By the time I make it back to the house I'm barely able to slip inside the door and remove my shoes when I hear heavy footsteps making their way downstairs and I freeze in my spot. This is the latest I've stayed out and I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to get caught. I don't want them to know.

"Beatrice?" My father stops in stunned silence as he sees me at the foot of the stairs. I've quickly taken my hair down and I'm sitting stiffly on the plain brown sofa in our living room, my head in my hands as I hear him approach me cautiously. I don't look up. I don't want him to be able to read my face because I know that I am easily read, my emotions controlling me more than is acceptable in Abnegation. More than is acceptable within our entire society.

"Beatrice, are you all right sweetheart?" I hadn't heard my mother's footsteps on the stairs. But she always had a lighter step than my father, a peaceful presence always seeming to encompass her no matter what she was doing.

"I… I haven't been sleeping well the past few days and I'm feeling very unwell today." I know that I shouldn't be drawing attention to myself but I can't think of anything else to say as I try to speak smoothly, but I can hear my own deception in my voice. Lying is not something that I think I can ever get used to doing even though I know it is necessary to keep T's secret. To keep my secret.

"After today's classes if you are still unwell we will take you to see a physician in Erudite." My father words are clipped and he doesn't approach me further as he speaks and his steps redirect him towards the kitchen to begin preparing breakfast for the family. For once I'm thankful for his lack of concern, and even more thankful that he doesn't berate me for speaking of my own troubles when there are so many factionless out there who are worse off than me. Breathing out a sigh of relief I look up towards my mother who is still watching me carefully and I see a brief reflection of myself when nobody is watching. The way that she analyses me, my clothes, my face… it's the same way that I constantly analyze our world… it's the way that I know makes me stand out. It's something that makes me different from the rest of my faction, from the rest of the city and for the first time I realize that my mother is the same as me – she simply hides it better.

"I will have you excused from your morning classes Beatrice, why don't you go upstairs and get some sleep. Set your alarm and you can go to your afternoon classes." My mother offers me a small smile, but I can tell she is worried. Not from my apparent sickness or lack of sleep. No, I can tell from the look that she gives me that she knows there is something going on that I am not telling her. But oddly, she doesn't ask questions and I simply nod my head, needing to accept her offer of sleep more than I should, unable to refuse and sacrifice my own well-being even though I know it is expected that I should.

"Thank you." I turn to my mother just before I reach the stairs and whisper quietly, hoping that she understands my meaning. That I am thanking her for being more than just abnegation, for not prying even though it is obvious she sees more to me than there should be.

Again she smiles at me only slightly, her eyes letting me know that she does understand what I'm trying to tell her, but that she's still concerned.

When I reach my room I don't know what to do. I've never been sick enough to stay home from my classes or my volunteer times before. And while my earlier statements weren't a complete lie – I haven't been sleeping at night, and I do feel unwell – I can't sleep yet… not while my parents are still here, while the small folded piece paper sits just inside my pocket...

So I lay down on my bed, staring at the ceiling while the slight noises continue on among my family downstairs. I hear the murmurings of my mother through the thin walls of our house after my father asks where I am – his voice naturally louder than hers. I hear Caleb dash out the door, ready to take on the world and follow in my parent's footsteps – seeing all of the places he can offer assistance before I would even be able to process where I'm going. And then… finally I'm alone. The quiet is comforting but completely terrifying at the same time so I do the only thing that I can think of. I pull the small white square from my pocket and open it up.

Inside the note I find his scraggly writing and notice immediately that it was obviously rushed, the way it is written, the messy scrawl all giving it away. But I don't care. It's from him and it's all that matters as I feel a tear slip from my eye and begin to travel down my cheek. I haven't even read it yet. But all of the worry and fear, the anxiety slips away just knowing that he is still alive, that he still remembers me.

Sniffling once I briefly run my hand over my cheek, collecting myself before I turn my focus back to the paper and begin to read, the exhaustion settling in quickly, making my eyes heavy and my hands shake.

_**B,**_

_**I'm sorry it's taken me so long to contact you… it's always hectic around here and it is difficult to get a moment's privacy and peace.**_

I close my eyes, relief that he has written allowing me to relax and before I can blink my eyes back open to force myself to continue, the black pit of sleep has swallowed me whole, images of Tobias – dressed all in black – are invading my dreams.

I forgot to set my alarm. Instead of feeling refreshed after my day of sleep I feel panicked as I bolt upright in bed, the rush of blood to my head causing me to become dizzy and the room to spin as I spot my mother sitting opposite me. It had been her voice I had heard calling me softly and waking me out of my deep slumber as the late afternoon sun streamed in through my window.

As both my head and my eyes began to adjust to sitting up and the bright light, my mother sits silently at my wooden desk chair, waiting patiently with her hands clasped together while I gather myself together. "I'm sorry Mom." I apologize immediately, realizing my mistake and gasping as I see the time on the clock and listen closely, hearing that my father and Caleb are also both at home, downstairs in the kitchen by the hint of their voices that make their way up to my room.

"Beatrice…" My mother seems off as she sighs, her eyes closing briefly before she continues. "Abnegation is under much scrutiny from the other factions right now." I nod my head towards her, biting the inside of my cheek to try and keep my emotions in check. "It is vital that we do not draw any more attention to ourselves than is necessary right now. We absolutely cannot do anything to discredit the way that we run the government, or the council members who are trusted to keep our city safe." As she speaks she's watching me closely, monitoring my reaction to her quiet words. Her warning that I can't quite grasp the entire meaning of. A few things about her statements hit me though, things she had never spoken out loud to me before although Caleb and I had already suspected ever since the last choosing ceremony. The one where Tobias defected and chose Dauntless. The one that seemed to spark the anonymous articles being printed in the newspaper – attempts to discredit Abnegation as leaders, as the good and selfless people that they all – with the exception of myself – are.

"I'm sorry Mother. I know that it was selfish of me to forget to set my alarm clock and attend my afternoon classes after you allowed me to stay home this morning. I promise that I will attempt to do better and draw less attention to myself." The last part is an easy promise to make… it's something that I continually aim for from day to day. The rest of it is expected of me anyways, drilled into me constantly from a young age. Be selfless. Think of others and never yourself. Help anyone who needs it. Sacrifice yourself and your needs for those of others.

"Beatrice…" she sighs again shakes her head slightly and I'm confused. She is more upset than I expected and as I look down to my own clasped hands folded in my lap I feel an icy shiver travel up my spine. Glancing around the bed I remember it, but I can't see it, it's not on the floor – the bed – my desk. My note from Tobias is missing.

"Mom…" she doesn't allow me to speak, standing up and holding out her hand to silence me. I don't think I could have said much more anyways. My voice is scratchy and I'm suddenly having difficult time breathing. It's strange. We are taught not to need anybody or anything in abnegation. To sacrifice so that others may have what they need but not to be concerned with ourselves. But I realize I cannot live like Abnegation. I need Tobias. It's a terrifying realization.

"We can't afford to draw any attention to ourselves right now Beatrice. There is more at stake than you can possibly realize and we cannot allow them to see anything that might flag us as different." For a moment I'm stunned both by her words and by my own internal awareness. I don't know what to say. By the time I've gathered my wits about me enough to try and ask her a question, I hear my father's heavy steps ascending the stairs and coming towards my room. Shaking her head silently at me I know she is telling me that what she just shared with me is something that I should not take lightly, and that what I have just discovered I can never reveal to anyone else and I bite my lip, nodding just once to let her know that I understand her.

But I don't.

**A/N: I'm going to put this out there once more – this story is not completely canon. There may be a few things that I have changed/will change to make it fit with the direction that I want to take it. This may include how characters meet, which faction they were originally from or where they go. I try to at least stay true to character although that is not always possible. If you don't mind these changes feel free to keep enjoying my fic, but if it bothers you – I promise I won't be offended if you choose not to read on. **

**Anyways, that's all, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and the story in general so far. Please leave a review – especially if you want me to keep writing it! Sometimes it can be hard to decide whether or not to continue when there aren't many reviews telling you to keep going! Thank you to those who have already reviewed… you're awesome!**


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